it's times like these that i remember why i have a blog. and why i love it so much. because the general public has my livejournal. the general public reads it. the general public concludes i'm a snob. maybe the general public is right. but like L said yesderday in choir... "i have no problems with diva's... you've just gotta have the shit to back it up." well, world... general public... i DO.

today when talking to the sweetest sophomore, who's in my choir... we were discussing how i rightfully deserve a lead in this years musical. she said to me "you are the best one in our choir. you're the best one that's trying out for the show. you deserve that role." trying my best not to be a snob... i agreed on the INSIDE, and thanked her humbly on the out. then a senior, who is a nice, hardworking girl... if not a little lacking in the talent department interjected. she told us how hard she'd been working... and i couldn't help but feel proud of her. then she said, in the sweetest way anybody has yet, "everybody knows that the shows are casted on seniority." because she said it so nicely i was trying not to get upset. but because of B's (i'm not using names because i know you can search them on the internet) comment i had a swelled head. "But i deserve one of those parts. i think i'm good enough." S was so nice, saying "Yes, i think you are too..." but then silly old me had to continue "and you know WHAT? i don't know if i want to be in the show if i'm chorus." I explained my reasons. How i had Forum going on at the same time... and what popa georg had told me: it's silly to waste your time on something this late in the game that will not help better you as an actress. If i wasn't experienced already, being chorus in the shitty highschool musical would be fine... but as SNOBBY as it sounds... i'm way beyond that. S then replied "i think that's justified. but you're extremley valuble to the show. you know you're talented and we'd suffer a loss without you." "well maybe if they agree withyou, and think it's neccicary for me to be in the show... they'll cast me as a lead, eh?" But by then, my tone was raised and attracted a crowd. another senior, one who has repeatedly made comments about me "getting her part" in the show came up. she told me it was bitchy of me even to SUGGEST such a thing as an underclassman. luckily the other girl stuck up for me... saying my reasons were justified. but it was too late... i was already on the rampage.

god, my tounge bleeds for how many times i've had to bite it around that girl. so now, as my godgiven right... i can say exactly what i want to say to her... right here, right now.

   "Basically, you have no talent. Sure, you're a mediocre singer. actually, when i first met you i thought you were great. but since then you've went consistantly downhill and everyone around you is unimpressed. you started doing theatre, wait... i won't even call it taht. you started doing DRAMA in highschool... undoubtedly because you couldn't fit in with any other group of people. and i'm HAPPY for you that you're in the 'in crowd' with the drama kids... and i think it's funny how you look down on me because i'm not. well, none of the drama kids have any real talent either. there are a few acceptions... but basically they're fun people who got popular with your clique of weirdos because nobody else in the world liked them. But back to your talent... or lack thereof. Like i said, you're a mediocre singer... nothing i couldn't hear on a regular basis if i wanted to. but your ACTING... no. sorry, no. And also... nobody wants to work with a diva who has fainting spells and dizzy fits on a daily basis. they just DON'T. As for you wanting to have a career in this busines... i think you mentioned it to me once. well you have no shot in HELL. you don't have NEAR the experience, talent, or means. As for this years musical... i think it's funny how scared you are. you pretend like you're not... but you KNOW i'm better than you. you know i deserve a part over you. and you say it's on seniority because you know you can't get that part unless it IS casted with seniority. well maybe you're right... maybe they use that for casting. and if you get the part... have fun sucking. have fun while people talk behind your back abotu how much you suck (oh, they did that in the strait play too...) and knowing, in your heart, that you didn't deserve the part. have fun in your last play. and yeah, it's your senior year and yeah, you're a kiss ass, and yeah, you're popular with the drama freaks. and maybe you SHOULD be rewarded for that. but you being rewarded will NEVER make you as good as me. i've been working all my life and don't think i'm going to let someone like you give me a run for my money."

hmm, i feel better. oh, and let me justify myself to... myself. i really do like this girl. she's nice. she says nice things and she's fun. But... it jsut pisses me off... this whole situation. and maybei'm jumping the gun because we havn't even had AUDITIONS yet. but.. i don't know.

wow, i feel so much better.